The Fear of 21

Yes, I purposely did attach this pic for no reason.

Adulthood is what I fear the most. Adult, in my perspective is probably the most awkward moment of my life (?) that I ever feel.  I am not mentally prepared, to be really honest. I think a lot about my future's challenges, the plannings that I need to settle down and mostly, preparations of lifetime's lists. Lots of lists that I need to grant right away.

One of the obvious question that I held all the time is definitely "What is like to be an actual adult?"
Being an adult, in my opinion does make me feel like once you step your foot in and there is no such thing called reverse youth's gene within your cells or a magical 'switch-the-button-TADDAH-you-are-young again'. Because eventually, it is just another phase that you will be faced in order to complete the life cycle and you cannot run or even hide from it. Sometimes, aging can be a sensitive issue and it even scares the shit out of me.

Lately, I began to think about the whole how to act and what to wear as a proper adult. I even tried to mimic others like a retarded child and hoped that somehow this will work but none of the tricks that I know worked for me.  I do not have any single of knowledge to prepare myself for facing this kind issue.

A perfect picture to describe my future husband looks like. YOU WISH!

Then, the whole future 'imam' thingy came across my mind and started to drown me with the bad thoughts of late marriage/spinster oh spinster. Marriage is something unnecessary to me but in the eyes of community/people, it is definitely a different story. My roommates tried to match me up with one of their friends but immediately, I answered it for NO. I feel like the whole adulthood's phase happens right into my face without me, realize it and here I am, not even dare to face the whole situation. In fact, I think I will never be ready.


InshaAllah, I will do my best to cope the whole problematic questions till I find the right solutions and methods, in the future. Stay calm and keep on praying for the best!