Answer My Questions #4

1) Sexual Orientation : Sexually fluid.

2) What I'm really bad at : Procrastination.

3) The one person who's arms I'd like to be in : Future Husband.

4) My Best First Date : I rarely go date with people.

5) A description of my self-esteem : Bipolar. I experience a lot of emotions within four hours but I barely let it visible to the public views.

6) Who my best friend are : Amani Liyana Binti Amrullah, Spotify, and Internet.

7) My favorite book : Into The Miso Soup by Ryu Murakami and Devotion of Suspect X by Keigo Higashino.

8) Biggest turn offs : Sweet-talkers, rude assholes and arrogant fuckers.

9) A description of my best friend : Has a petite, skinny figure and a good-looking fella with a passion with foods.

10) My favorite animal : Felines.

11) Someone I miss : No one particular.

12) The reason behind my last break up : He isn't the one that I want and It'll never work between us.

13) What I did yesterday : Attended to relatives' wedding and went for a dinner with bestie.

14) What my greatest achievements are : I finally have my chance to redeem myself for being a better person compares to the past.

15) A description of the person I dislike the most : Rude people that up for no good stuff.

16) My favorite songs right now : The Beginning by Ok One Rock.

17) How my last kiss when down :  I kissed my fur balls aka my cat so that's how my last kiss when down.

18) What I find attractive in the preferred sex : Guys know how to dress well. Know how to take care themselves and respects their partner.

19) All of the pets I've ever had : Fishes.

20) Favorite flavor of ice cream : Strawberry Cheesecake.

21) The one place I want to be right now : My bedroom.

22) The meanest thing anyone has ever said to me : *insert racist jokes*

23) Where I have lived before : Merbok, Kedah.

24) I'll love you if.. : If you understand myself fully and accepts the differences.

25) What are my future plans : Further up my studies into a higher level, get a steady job permanently, cross-out every single dreams/a-list-to-dos and travels abroad.

26) An internal conflict I have with myself : Depression and decision-conflicts.

27) What I'm doing tomorrow : I am going to face the same thing that I faced before; working.

28) What I want to be when I get older : A successful woman that owns a happy family and money equally.

29) Most embarrassing moments : I threw up in the primary school during the class' sessions.

30) Two of my insecurities : Good-looking girls that far better than what I have and smart-ass people.

31) What would I do if I won lottery : Gives to charity and spends some to myself and family .

32) A description of boy that I like : He has a slender figure, a fair skin and a quite beefy guy with a sleek short-black hair. He also has a deep-set bright eyes whenever both of us make an instant eyes contact. He has a shy smile and sometimes he will flash his fangs whenever we try to engage with a conversation. He can sing just fine and genuinely a good heart person.

33) What I love most about myself : Artistic. Loving. Never underestimate others.

34) My biggest pet peeves : People who has a issue with their time management.

36) Who my best friends are : Amani. Internet. Spotify.

37) How many kids I want in the future : 3

38)  My idea of a perfect date : It doesn't matter as long me and my partner enjoy.

39) What I'm really good at : Gives an advice if someone needs one.

40) Most Traumatic Experience : A stranger dressed in all black color with a mask on, drove a motorcycle nearby my school. I noticed he kept circling the same place until he stopped and waved at me. My first instinct was to run and I did it till I cut myself accidentally by a sharp branch. 

41) Where I would like to live : A place where no one knows my existence.

42) The nicest thing that anyone's ever said to me : A good singer, loyal and understanding.

43) Do I like where I am right now? : Obviously no. I want to improve my life so I can be happier.

44) What I can hear right now : Arguments/debates between my superior and her co-workers.

45) My relationship with my sibling(s) : We fight and laugh a lot.

46) All of the pets I've had : The Hobbit quartet; Frodo, Sam, Merry and Pippins (for fishes) and the current female feline that I own right now : Mumei or The Nameless.

47) My biggest worry currently : FUTURE.

48) Something that I've wished repeatedly :  I will get my place in a degree course.

49) My relationship with my parents : hate-love relationship.

50) What words makes me the best about myself : Thoughtful. Ardent. Volatile. Realistic.

51) Something that I have should say a long time ago : Some people should never be accepted.

52) What my last text message says : "Where are you at?"

53) What I hate most about myself : Emotional bitch.

54) Biggest turns ons : Jack Gilinsky, leather boots, gold watches

55) What words upset me the most : Not good enough.

56) What I hate/hated the most about school : Drama and Examination.

Lessons that I learn so far.

I had posted this before on my Facebook's account so I thought maybe I could share this again to my readers about my uninterested or probably common lessons that I learn so far from the past of 22 years.

1) People's mistakes are a valuable lesson to your life; God has his own wonderful way to show you many things in many ways so take it or leave it.

2) Everyone has his/her own bitchy sides. Just admit this for once. Sometimes, we are easily letting our inner demon consumes us but this isn't a reason for you to let it out of your hand by doing things that hurts others for no valid reason. Use it in a right place and a right time.

3) Don't feel embarrassed to apologizes if you make a mistake. Though you might repeat it again in the future, you're still a human and human makes mistakes. Other humans will always judge you for your mistakes but Allah is there to forgive and love you.

4) Never let anyone take advantages against your weakness. The second of okay comes from your mind might be another greatest weapon that your enemy use to let you drown in misery.

5) Less friends are better. Less friends mean these people are willing to stay in your life because they care and you'll be certainly ended up with a less drama. What's the point of carrying so many cliques but they aren't even your friends from the beginning?

6) It is okay to be snapped sometimes. There's no good to come for holding your anger too many long and it kills your morale slowly.

7) Freedom of words has its own limitation especially when it comes about religion or races topic. So be sensitive. You aren't the only one lives in this world.

8) Rotten apples are everywhere yes but to care and nurture your life with their existence through your daily gossips? Ditch those silly kids straightway. If you act like one, well, realizing your own mistakes is a number one important step to get better.

9) Get a friend that will influence/lead you to be a better person. Though sometimes you may argue with them as many as you guys can, never leave these people behind because it does hard to find good people these days.

10) If you have so many bad things happened in your life and you have no way to go, get a therapist if it is necessary.

11) Every family holds dysfunctional sides. No matter hard things go, never feel give up on them because blood is thicker than water, baby. You are their own family and probably the closest thing that they have. If they act like an ass, why you need to put yourself in the same category as they are? So change.

Memories #3

Monthly updates is back guys!

August
- August is probably one of the saddest month for Malaysia as netizen received a shocking news about MH17. Honestly, I still can't believe till today how some people shot the airplane without feeling guilty, at all. I wish a justice will be brought in the future and a whole expansion or details of investigation can be done thoroughly.
- An official wedding ceremony from my bro's wifey side.

September
- My bro's wedding held in this month. It was a great day because me and my best friend had a chance to become a flower girl (?) *I don't even know our role, really.*
- An adventurous day with Hairil; we watched The Swimmers and ate Nachos,
- Stepped my foot in Nusajaya, Johor Bahru. *My sister-in law's house*

October
- I attended a course in Hotel Concorde Inn. It was a great experience as I had a chance to participate such an event. Frankly, I was unhappy to be part of this course because hell, it was unnecessary to my job's description as a temporary worker but due to the reasons that could not be evaded, I was force to go.
- I finally sent my third application to the UiTM. I really hope I am able to get in. Thanks to my former lecture, Sir Helmi, he kinda inspires me to pursue my studies back. I know that I'd used to say I did not want to continue on what's left from this course but I think I have to go for it, now, while I still have this guts/spirit.
- Luhan left EXO-M/EXO for good.
- A sudden invitation from Hairil for outing; went Times Squares for boots hunting. Ouija's movie at KLCC and bought lots of nachos to dine in!

Memories #2

Monthly updates!

June

- It is a month of my birthday. Plus, I share a same date of birthday with Cha Hakyeon (Singer of VIXX) and Cheryl Cole. Guess the date!
-  I went to the Kuala Lumpur International Hijab Festival together with my best friend.We managed to sneak ourselves into the runaway show's program. I was so excited that finally I can see a genuine runaway! How amazing was that, huh? Insyallah, I will enter more, big runaway shows in the future.
- I finally passed my JPJ test! It was a third time and god knows how awfully tired I was. On the bright side, I managed to make friends with a few people from the previous tests.

July
- The beginning of this year's Ramadhan and Alhamdulilah, everything went really smooth except the fact of whole Palestine-Zionists and Syria's war issue that literally broke my heart. 'Till today!
- For the first week of Ramadhan, me and my best friend went to Seoul Garden to celebrate our Iftar and my birthday together! She even gave a marble blueberry cheese cake as a gift, so again, Thank You babe.
- A renewal contract for my job. Nothing interesting.

I really miss this year's Ramadhan though. I learned so many things what I could capable with and I was happy with my achievement on developing maturity within myself.

The main reason why that I don't updates.

I feel like I am completely out of mind. I am just too afraid of letting my thoughts so I held back every time that I try to finish my sentences. I am afraid of expressing things. This is not a healthy sign. This is a sign where I will get my anxiety attack, my minor depression mode in anytime from now on. I am in the deep trouble.

I want to bury all my thoughts in my brain forever and no one needs to know more but this is utterly useless. There's a few thing that I need to let go for good. I can't hide in this state forever because I don't want to poison myself furthermore. My thoughts are like a garden. Some of things need to be trimmed for good, others need to be fertilized, so I always want this undesirable roots to be permanently out from my garden.

 This is the reason why that I rarely write anymore because I am too coward to speak. It's weird enough for other people to understand my condition, well so does myself.

 But I am trying to recover myself from this chronic and devastated life. I will continue to write back my fanfics, blogs and update more. I also decide to educate myself to read more books. I mean no more excuses. I'll make this writing-reading-educating as a way of me freeing myself from anyone. My greatest escape, as you may call. 

Answer My Question #2

• 1:Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? : Yes. I have a massive allergic on smokes. It irritates my chest.
• 2:Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused? : I am currently single and confused.
• 3:What if I told you that you were pretty? : I always believe myself that I am somewhere between pretty and ugly so thank you.
• 4:Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”? : Quite frankly, no. I find myself that people's surrounding me hate the idea of 'admitting the mistake' if they think they are entirely right.
• 5:Are you interested in anyone right now? : I still have a bit of feelings towards my crush but not that particular a serious feeling.
• 6:What are you looking forward to in the next week? : Spend my quality days with family; means i have to do my usual chores. I am currently waiting a green light from a best friend of mine about our celebration.
• 7:Do you want to be single? : Maybe, till I find a right person.
• 8:Did you go out or stay in last night? : Since I am my parents' precious, I rarely experience a late outing these years.
• 9:How late did you stay up last night? : I can stay up till 3/4AM if I hit my weekend.
• 10:Can you recall the last time you realized you liked someone a lot? : Well, yes. It happened somewhere last year.
• 11:Last three things you had to drink? : A plain mineral water, Asam boi and an orange juice.
• 12:Have you pretended to like someone? : Yes. I think after me and my ex decided to fix our problems by getting back together, that's when I realized I'd made a huge mistake. So it repeated again but this time, towards my relationship with my former classmates, both for school and uni days. I learn a lot through these experiences.
• 13:Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it? : This explains literally on what happened on the past between me and my ex. The feelings had already died but I still tried to push myself on believing that I might still love him just the way I did before.
• 14:Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months? : No one really.
• 15:Is it hard for you to get over someone? : Sometimes, It can take up to the total period of 6 months and above.
• 16:Think back five months ago, were you single? : Yes I were.
• 17:What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? : Took my break from a hectic work.
• 18:Hold hands with anyone this week? : My mother, while we'd crossed a road.
• 19:Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? : Yes. I am muslim so alcohol is a no-no.
• 20:What would you name your future daughter? : I'll be named her as Syahirah
• 21:Do you miss anyone? : Particularly no one.
• 22:Have you kissed three or more people in one night? : No.
• 23:Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? : In a bed. With my pillows.
• 24:Are you good at hiding your feelings? : I am more than good.
• 25:Have you ever cried from being so mad? : Many freaking times. Especially whenever I fought with my sibling or even my own parents.
• 26:Who did you last see in person? : Fatin, my former schoolmate
• 27:Are you listening to music right now? : Yes. 
• 28:What is something you currently want right now? : A marble blueberry cheesecake, Seoul Garden's food, a complete episodes of The Carrie Diaries season 2, Sony Z Ultra, a good-looking partner and my payment's cheque.
• 29:What is the last thing you said out lot? : Javla - profanity yes.
• 30:How is your heart lately? : Devastatingly unstable.
• 31:Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? : Sometimes, just to cover my face from sunlight, i am such sissy.
• 32:Are you wearing socks? : Rarely wearing socks.
• 33:What do people call you? : Either fyqa/fiqa or fyfy/fifi.
• 34:Will you talk to the person you like tonight? : Not anymore.
• 35:Are there any stressful situations in your life? : Yes, my uncertain future.
• 36:Who did you last share a bed with? : My parents. My pillows.
• 37:Did you do something bad today? : Yes. I talked bad.
• 38:When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? : I don't really remember.
• 39:Do you get stressed out easily? : Yes. Maybe because I have a minor depression that easily effects my soul.
• 40:Will you sing today? : No. It's a fasting month. I need to give some respects.
• 41:Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t? : Yes. MANY TIMES. With people that had befriended before. More importantly, my crush.
• 42:Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone? : Amani.
• 43:Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? : No.
• 44:What are you listening to right now? : EXO
• 45:What is wrong with you right now? : I feel a little bit sleepy.
• 46:What is on your wrists right now? : My silver watch.
• 47:Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing? : Mall.
• 48:What do you like better: hot chocolate or hot apple cider? ; A hot apple cider.
• 49:Do you make wishes at 11:11? : Sometimes.
• 50:Are you a good artist? : Yes. I have no doubt on my talents.
• 51:Love really is a beautiful thing huh? : I believe so.
• 52:Do you miss the way things were six months ago? : No. I find myself that I feel bless that I've learnt so many things from the events of six months ago.
• 53:Ever been on a golf cart? : No. 
• 54:Do you have trust issues? : Yes I am. I feel like I have this massive phobia or a nervousness of trusting new people. It'll always take sometimes to build the trusts.
• 55:Ever stayed up all night on the phone, with who? : My exes *before we decided to end our relationship, obviously* and my best friend.
• 56:Do you own something from Hot Topic? : No. I am from Malaysia and Malaysia does not even own a hot topic's store.
• 57:Do you use chap stick? : No. I use Vaseline.
• 58:Have you ever slapped someone in the face? : Yes and I do not meant that.
• 59:Do you have a little sister? : Unofficially adopted little sister from my mother's cousin's family.
• 60:Have you ever been to New York? : Unfortunately, no.
• 61:Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? : In between?
• 62:Have you hugged someone within the last week? : No.
• 63:What were you doing at midnight last night? : Sleeping, duh.
• 64:Have you ever regretted kissing someone? : Yes.
• 65:Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? : EXO. Hahahah I know I am so delusional right now.
• 66:Were your last three kisses from the same person? : Yes. From my mother. On the cheek.
• 67:Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? : Nope.
• 68:Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? : Both.
• 69:Will next Friday be a good one? : Yes. Because eventually, I may receive my driver's license!

Movie that still lingers in my heart.

I think I am in love.

Well, with a movie.

with a fictional character

I've been haunted with this movie for a week and I still can't get over it.

But the most of all, it's a Yuri-themed movie. *Don't mind me, really. I read lots of Yaoi-manga; smut or not so I can handle Yuri just fine*

May I present to you; My current favorite Thai movie ever

Holy shit! These movies blow my heart so much that I don't think I can't handle my thoughts well. It is probably the sweetest and cheesiest story I ever seen from my entire life but It portraits in a good way and captures straight to my heart.

Kim's character is the reason why I fall on these movies. She's a tomboy but deep insides, she believes herself as a normal girl since so many people judge her appearance rather than her personality. She's a kind-hear ted, patient and mellow person. She treats her girlfriend as if she's everything in her world. Additional point for her looks though. She's such a handsome fella that I think she traps in a girl's body.

Meanwhile Pie *yes the name of Kim's girlfriend* has surprisingly possessed similar traits like I have; headstrong, strict and moody. A kind of fem-me fatal kind of girl. At first, she was strongly against the idea of tomboy since girls shouldn't be associated with masculinity. She even thought Kim as a boy rather than a girl but Kim insisted she's a girl inside out.

Favorite scenes :

Yes Or No

•  Butterfly scene : After shared a drink and lolipop together, Kim bravely confessed her feelings towards Pie as they'd been surrounded by butterflies. I remember when Kim cutely said "maybe it's from my mouth" ♥

 

•  At Pie's home scene : It happened when Kim asked Pie for a second chance. She even asked Pie's mother to bless their relationship though her mother hated the idea of girl x girl together. It was the saddest moment for all.

Yes Or No 2

• Wig scene : Pie was in the middle of trying a short-haired wig that Boy/Puey had put on her head. I guess she wanted to see how she could transform herself into a tomboy version of Pie. A sudden greeting from Kim made her jump in joy. Pie decided to tease Kim by asking her to wear a long-haired wig, as if they swapped their places. Kim was uncomfortably against the idea but Pie stubbornly put it to the Kim's head. Things got a little hotter when Kim tried to kiss her romantically but had been interrupted by Pie's internship teacher.  

• 1 year after the breakup's scene : Both of the girls unexpectedly met up again on this event where they needed to share a same booth. Pie even decided to mark the booth so she could had her own share. Pie wanted the booth for herself and she didn't even know the other person that she'll be shared with till she saw Kim. The main reason why I love this scene so bad because Kim said something on how she loved her girlfriend so much that she let her grow longer etc. I can't give you any details unless you watch the entire movie for yourself though.

For those who have a soft side on romantic stuff and didn't mind the whole girl x girl part, then this one is for you. You guys also can check the movies from Youtube's platform.


P/S :  Some of people said toms toms *yes I refer on Tomboys* have a talent on making girls fall on them. When they fall hard on people that they like/love, they'll do anything for their love.

or is it?